y did u give ur computer a hand job?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
