If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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