My first STD was from a foam party
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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