Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize