Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They took my balls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
