Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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