you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
