The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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