Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
