I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
