I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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