It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
