My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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