she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
