So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
