so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize