Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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