I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize