Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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