I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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