Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
