So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
