I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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