quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
