I'm passing your future prison.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
