You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
