your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
