oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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