you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
