You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need a beard to bite.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
