just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
