Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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