Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
