come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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