you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
