I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
