I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
