I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
