So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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