it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
