goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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