IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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