So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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