just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
