Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
