do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
