4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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