nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize