the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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