Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
