The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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