So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
