he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
