So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
