need another drink. this is the easiest way
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
