you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
