people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
