uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
