I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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