Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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