No awkward lesbian experiences without me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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