My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
