You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
