ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
