Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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