ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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