pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you win again, gameday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
