in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
