Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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