my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
