im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
