i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize