I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
