I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
