Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
