Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
