Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
