I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
