Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
it hurts more in the daytime
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
