Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
