tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize